Saturday, May 23, 2009

Housewife Hottie Alert!

Full Name: John Burke Krasinski
DOB: October 20, 1979
Why is he a Housewife Hottie?: He is tall, sweet (I've met him!), and sexy!

You know John Krasinski as Jim Halpert from my favorite TV show, "The Office." John has also appeared in movies like, License to Wed and Leatherheads, but he will always be Jim Halpert to me! :)

Enjoy the view ladies!


Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Michelle Obama

When President Obama was campaigning and was elected, I gave little thought on what Michelle's impact on me would be. I was confident that President Obama would help rebuild the America I was raised to love, but had no idea how in love I would fall for Michelle.

So here goes...

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Michelle Obama

10. She is an example to women around the world that you can do it all. Having a career and family is attainable.

9. She bares her arms! I love that she is proud of her body and shows it off in the manner she wishes. She works hard to tone those arms!

8. She's uber smart. A practicing lawyer with a big career, not just a supportive wife and baby maker.

7. She is my generation's Jackie Kennedy. A young mother, fashionable, vibrant, and interesting. Not just some old hag in her pant suit.

6. I love, love, love her fashion. From the cardigans to the Jason Wu gown inaugural gown. Silly reason? Yes. But, I don't care! I'm a girl and girls love clothes!

5. I love that she is open about the issues her and President Obama have had about balancing work and family. These are issues most women can relate to, and it makes her more relatable to us.

4. She planted an organic garden on White House grounds. As a big city girl, I have to say it has been a fantasy of mine to have a garden and I'm completely jealous!

3. She has a genuine factor. I love her laugh, her smile, the way she teases President Obama, the way she looks at her girls, and everything else I see her do. At times I can agree with certain criticisms, but I can't deny that she is just being herself.

2. She wears sneakers! There was somewhat of an uproar when our First Lady showed up to an event with sneakers on. The horror!! Real women, obviously, wear heels 24/7...therefore, so should our First Lady!

And the #1 reason why I love Michelle Obama is...

She was born middle class and worked her way up in life. There is something to be said about people who aren't handed their futures, and actually earn them through sacrifice and hard work. As a middle class girl, she is a fantastic role model!


Friday, May 22, 2009

Hubby a Picky Dresser?

My hubby isn't very picky about most things. He'll eat whatever. He'll sleep wherever. When it comes to major decisions, I usually get a shrug and a "I don't care." But his clothes? Oh no. That's a whole different story. Here are only a small number of his demands:

1. No dark wash jeans. (I know. I know. )
2. Jeans also must be CARPENTER jeans. No other cut is acceptable.
3. No bright colors.
4. Absolutely no logos or graphics!

...the list goes on, but those are the basics. Obviously, hubby can usually be found in non-dark wash jeans with a neutral colored shirt. Boring! In the past I've made the mistake of dragging him from store to store and forcing him to pick out something, ANYTHING, because I dare not buy him clothing without his approval. This usually ends with me pissed off and him frustrated, especially if we are shopping for a special occasion.

So last week I was moseying around in Old Navy, and I saw that Men's tshirts were 2 for $15. I have some kind of chemical imbalance that does not allow me to walk away from sales empty handed, so I bought two. With no hubby approval. The horror!

I told him I bought him two new shirts, hung them up, and decided to wait it out. I was NOT going to nag him about wearing the shirts I just bought him. And lo and behold, guess what hubby wore yesterday? One of the shirts.

So here is my advice to the housewives with a similar problem: Just buy the shit for them!! You know he isn't gonna go buy clothes for himself, and what is he going to do, go naked? You will be pleasantly surprised, trust me.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Glenn Beck Gets Called Out For Lying...FINALLY!

On "The View" today, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters called out Glenn Beck on his lying ways. Even though their issues was petty and irrelevant, it's one of those things that shows a person's character. I hate to spread anything regarding this sideshow clown, but I have to admit, I got some joy out of watching his squirm as he was tag-teamed by Whoopi and Barbara.


Why I Hate Chick Flicks

Before you jump down my throat, hear me out. Not all "chick flicks" are bad....just most of them. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love classic chick flicks like Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, and Thelma and Louise. But for every classic I love, there are 25 shitty ones I despise.

Unlike most women, Matthew McConaughey does absolutely nothing for me. Not only is he dirty looking, he plays the same character in each of his cookie-cutter chick flicks. Amistad was amazing, but Failure to Launch was ridiculous. Don't even get me started on Matt's chick flick cohort, Kate Hudson! Why are women attracted to this ditz? Is the ideal woman/girlfriend/wife we are trying to be? Lord knows, I'm certainly not.

The chick flick I want to see is one that empowers women. One that says, having a man is great, but you don't need one to complete you. I don't need to see a woman always in a moment of desperation because of what a man does or says. Fuck that. I don't need to watch a movie to show a woman acting crazy to get a man, all I need to do is tune in to the latest "Rock of Love" season.

Note to Hollywood: some women aren't crazy, desperate, or just plain airheaded ( least not all the time!). Please make more movies that don't fit in that box, because poor Kate Winslet can't carry the torch forever.

The Streak is O-V-E-R!

For the record the streak is over!!!! Not sure what I'm talking about? Read this.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sorry Wifeys!

Sorry for the lack of posts on my part today! I had quite a busy day of fun and work. Since my job allows quite a bit of flexibility, I opted for Monday afternoon drinks and fun with two awesome gays. We had a fantastic lunch of cheesesteaks, beers, and lots of gossip and laughs. To say it was much-needed is an understatement.

Since I live in a U.S. metropolis (not Philly BTW!), I was able to jump on the subway and head to get some work done without endangering any lives while driving in my beer haze . My tasks were accomplished quickly and it was great that I went when I did.

All in all...a fabulous, but busy, Monday. Hopefully the rest of the week will be just as awesome!


Housewife Fantasy Man for 5/18/09: Jake Gyllenhaal!

Full Name: Jacob Benjamin Gyllenhaal
DOB: December 19, 1980 (28 years old)
Why is he HFM?: Jesus, look at him! That's why!

You probably know Jake primarily from Brokeback Mountain, the movie that helped straight women comprehend why guys thought lesbians were hot. But he has also starred in a lot of indie gems, such as Donnie Darko, October Sky, and the movie that made M fall in love with him, The Good Girl. If you haven't seen The Good Girl, get off your ass and head to Blockbuster right now!

And we can't have Jake as our first ever HFM without a shout-out to another great Jake role...Jimmy Livingston in Bubble Boy!

You're welcome Jake .

Move over, People Magazine...

Because there is a new hot piece title in town! Every Monday from here on out, N and myself will be picking a very lucky man to grace your computer screen with the incredibly prestigous title of...wait for it....HOUSEWIFE FANTASY MAN.

Unfortunately, N and myself do not have the funds to publish a national magazine. Therefore, the men we pick will receive a congratulatory prize of maps to our houses, in case they ever want to, uh, drop in and thank us personally. And you know, the glory.

Who will it be this week?? Sit tight and check back!

The Importance of Setting Goals

Setting goals for myself is a big part of who I am. Really! A couple of years ago, my mother found a list of goals I made for myself when I was 10, and surprisingly enough, I have already met several of them. There were big ones like, be the first female president, write a book, etc. Sorry, 10-year-old self, I haven't made it there yet. But there were others too. When my mom read me the list, I had recently met a critical one: to graduate college. It was ironic and poignant that she would find that scrap of paper just as I was accomplishing something big. It really made me reflect on how far I had come in my life. Thus, as the title of this post says, it was important for my adult self that my kid self wrote out those grandiose goals way back when.

Even though I still have huge life goals, the ones I make everyday simply help me get through the day. For example, one goal I found myself making today involved this inner dialogue: "I will put away the laundry when The Real Housewives of New York Reunion Special goes to commercial." Not quite as grand as my 10-year-old self imagined, but a critical and important goal nonetheless for the adult me.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Speaking of Kraft Recipes...

Just last night I was directing you to the Kraft Foods website...and all the while the newest edition of the magazine was awaiting me in the mail! I am now plotting some new recipes to try! Subscribe if you haven't already. It used to be free, but with all this recession bullshit they are charging $5.99 a year. Still totally worth there are coupons.

Have an awesome Sunday! I'm off to put my laundry in the dryer...


Mustache Woes Update

I know you have all been losing sleep wondering whatever happend on my waxing adventure. Read on...

I have this thing with following the directions that come with at home beauty treatments. I'll read them, happen upon something that makes no sense to me, then do it my own way. Smart, I know. In the past this has led to me to many a breakout and once, striped hair. But I digress...

According to Veet (why they rhymed the name of something I am going to put on my face with "feet" I will never know) I am supposed to vigorously rub the wax strip in my hand until it gets warm. So I rubbed away for a good minute and it felt the exact same to me. I said screw it and went ahead anyway (see what I mean?)

The other problem I had was getting the wax on my upper lip hair but not on my actual lip. I don't even want to contemplate that kind of pain. So in other words, I couldn't get it warm and I couldn't get it on my face the right way. Lovely.

When all was said and done, there were quite a few stray hairs that I had to pluck which actually hurt more than the waxing itself. And yes, it hurts. Don't let stupid bitches lie to you about that! I am going to keep waxing because a) it looks better b) it didn't make my moody skin break out and c) it's still relatively cheap.

And I give Veet Wax Strips 3 out of 5 stars. Low score for a stupid name.


Wife "Loses It" In Court

I love nothing better than to watch a trashtastic lady going off!! It must remind me of home... :)


Meet Princess Orange

Princess Orange is a real life person living in a year-around fantasyland of her creation. Princess Orange is a person I cannot escape, as she is family by marriage. I've known Princess Orange for almost a decade, and have watched her evolve into her current state.

Quick Facts on Princess Orange:

~Maintains her orange glow all year long
~Bought a Cadillac while unemployed and living at home
~Is obsessed with Tiffany jewelry
~Routinely wears all clothing 1 to 2 sizes too small
~Bought a condo and ALL new expensive furnishings and electronics, while planning a huge wedding she's not paying for
~Appears to be fake both inside and out
~Master manipulator of those who hold the purse strings

It seems that Princess Orange has a lot of people fooled. Most people don't care to go much deeper than the surface, which is just fine for her, as there isn't much beyond her surface. She is all about appearances...the best car, the best jewelry, the best tan (I can't even type that with a straight face), the best house, the best furnishings, the best EVERYTHING. Her quest for a material oasis has shown to take up most of her energy, because she has none left to work on herself as a person.

Princess Orange has been infected with the me, me, me virus that many young women in America have inevitably suffered. If it doesn't do something for her, Princess Orange simply ain't doing it. Her selfishness is almost at the sociopathic level. Don't believe me? Read on...

A couple of years ago, Princess Orange decided that her current boyfriend just wasn't cutting it. He was about to go on another tour in Iraq and his combat pay was running out from all those trips to Tiffany's. All of Princess Orange's family and friends were marrying off before her eyes, so she decided that's what she wanted. Buh-bye slut, party-girl persona, hello wife persona.

Right after Princess Orange convinced Army Boy to marry her, she dumped him. Oh wait...she dumped him right after she rekindled her romance with an ex-boyfriend (we'll call him X). This is the same ex-boyfriend she cheated on with Army Boy when they started their relationship the previous year. Needless to say, it is unknown if X really has any idea about the details of how their relationship ended the first time or how it began now.

After about a year, Princess Orange put the pressure on X to propose. After a big fight over her obsession with it, he finally proposes in a extremely cheesy Christmas scenario, with a gaudy cocktail ring no less. At this time, she is dividing her time between officially still living at home, and realistically living with X, but not paying for shit. This goes on for some time, until Princess Orange decides apartment living is for losers, and she must have a brand new condo of her own. But wait! The condo won't be enough...she needs a complete furnishing of the ENTIRE condo. Nothing old can be reused! On top of this, we can't forget that Princess Orange must also have a huge gala wedding in the fall.

So what's a selfish bitch to do when your life is hanging by a credit card string? Call Mummy, of course! One problemo (ok, maybe several)...Mummy is about to retire. Mummy also forked over a lot of moolah in an ugly divorce a couple of years ago. Mummy is also trying to sell her house in this fucked up economy, and not to mention, is finally happy and getting serious with a luvah of her own. Does this phase Princess Orange? FUCK NO! In the Princess Orange master manipulation game, Mummy decides to push back her retirement, and most likely her relationship, in order to cater to Princess Orange's fantasyland life.

The wedding will be in the fall, but as a close family member, I really know nothing about it. I'm not sure if this is because of my bitchy comments of honesty that have been made throughout the years, or simply because I'm living far away from Princess Orange's fantasyland world and her dull mind can only see what's in front of her. But rest assured...the Princess Orange and X wedding will be covered at length in the fall!!


Characters in Real Life

From time to time we will be posting our thoughts and feelings on people we know in real life. Since this is our always-honest take on how we view the actions and behaviors of those in our life, we will hide the identities of those discussed with witty little nicknames.

Our post on Lady Lazy is a perfect example in our real life series. If you enjoyed Lady Lazy, you will love the new stuff we have coming!

Stay tuned!

- N & M

Easy Recipes at

One weapon in the semi housewife's bag-o-tricks is being able to whip up a delicious meal faster than you can say, "Feeeeeed meeeeeeee, Seeeeeeymour!" (yes, I did just reference Little Shop of Horrors).

Since I don't always have a bazillion hours to slave in the freaking kitchen to cook a delicious and nutritious meal from scratch, I have fallen head of heels in love for the Kraft Foods website. Not only are the recipes yummy, they are simple and mostly contain items you have on hand in your kitchen everyday.

I utilize this website even when I'm bringing a dish to pass. One super easy dessert recipe I use constantly (it has always been a hit) is for Grasshopper Pie (as seen above).

If your in a pinch for a simple, yet delightful dish to show off to all of your bitchy friends, try the Grasshopper Pie. I guaran-freaking-tee it will be a hit and make you the queen of the universe for your gathering! :)

Grasshopper Pie

What You Need:

1-1/2 cups cold milk
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Pistachio Flavor Instant Pudding
2 cups thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, divided
1 OREO Pie Crust (6 oz.)
1 square BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate

What You Do:

milk into large bowl. Add dry pudding mix. Beat with wire whisk 2 min. or until well blended. Gently stir in 1-1/2 cups of the whipped topping and the chopped cookies. Spoon into crust. Spread with remaining 1/2 cup whipped topping.

GRATE chocolate over pie.

REFRIGERATE 2 hours or freeze until firm. If frozen, remove pie from freezer about 10 min. before serving; let stand at room temperature to soften slightly. Store leftovers in refrigerator or freezer.

Healthy Living

Save 50 calories per serving by preparing with fat free milk, JELL-O Pistachio Flavor Fat Free Sugar Free Instant Pudding and COOL WHIP LITE Whipped Topping.
Special Extra
For stronger mint flavor, add 1/4 tsp. peppermint extract along with the milk. <-- I always do this