Saturday, May 30, 2009

Housewife Hottie Alert!

Full Name: Hugh Michael Jackman
DOB: October 12, 1968
Why is he a Housewife Hottie?: He is a superstar, has a fabulous accent, great actor, good father, and seems to appear to be an all-around good guy.

Hugh Jackman has starred in some great movies like, Wolverine and The Prestige. But let's be honest...his body of work is second to his actual body! He is deliciously gorgeous and his accent only adds to his overall deliciousness!

Enjoy, Ladies!

-N & M

Why We List Endlessly

By definition I'm a list person. I actually got the idea for this post off of an actual list of post ideas. demented is that?? Anything I can list, I do. Every single day, I have a to-do list of some sort. Whether it be personal or work-related. Sometimes, I have to get out of bed to add something to one of my many lists. It's insane! Seriously...I already made a Michelle Obama list a post! lol

The reason I list, besides the obvious need to remember to do something, is that I honestly get a visceral satisfaction of crossing my accomplishments off of my lists. Some people like to timidly put a tiny check mark next to their accomplishment, but not me! I like a thick line or two through my list item. Analogically speaking, I get the relief I imagine cutters do (I didn't say it was a good analogy!!). I actually feel physical relief. When a list is actually finished, I want to frame it up and say to the world, "I DID IT!!!"

I know M is also a huge fan of lists as well, but I wonder if this a woman thing, a housewife thing, or what? I find it interesting that some people share my eccentricities, so do share!


** I liked the picture above, because I would love to start listing with a beer in my hand. :)

Thursday, May 28, 2009

Seriously? I Laugh on So Many Levels...

Maybe she can be part of our "Characters in Real Life" series!

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

Like Flies on Shhhhh....

I made my way to Costco this afternoon to get some quick shopping done without the grotesque weekend crowds. As I weaved my way through the aisles, I came across one of those sample stations. I didn't exactly know it was a sample station at first, it just looked like a crowd of people surrounding a poor old lady.

As I attempted to pass, I witnessed a scene that literally made me laugh out loud. The poor woman who was dishing out samples of Ghiradelli brownies was no match for the crowd before her. As she furiously dished out the chocolatey goo, people were snatching it off of her tray. If she paused to wipe off her utensil, the crowd stood there, mouths watering, staring her down like I would imagine a lioness does an injured antelope. It was sad. I laughed as I steered my cart around these heathens, who appeared to have never had a brownie and/or a free sample in all of their heathen lives.


What Would You Think?

I received the following text message from my single (oh yes, she's bitter about it) friend, Slim: "Husband and wife arrive in heaven. Wife says, "Here we are together again." Husband say, "Fuck that shit! Deal was till death do us part. Bitch, I'm single!"

As a mostly-happily married woman, my first reaction was, "What the hell does that mean??" Was it simply a stupid forwarded joke? Or was she trying to make some type of comment on my marriage?

After about ten minutes of reflection, I responded with this: "You must have meant that for some other girl's horrible husband. I will disregard."

I thought that I sent the proper amount of bitch-tone to get my point across that I didn't appreciate the "joke" and I didn't think it applied to my life.

Slim's response: "Hahaha..not horrible husband! It was cute! You and I both know that Mr. N is the shit..."

If this was me forwarding a joke on to someone I didn't think it applied to, I would have put a little note in front of it, like, "Just thought this was cute, and wanted to pass it on." Obviously, she thought of me when she read this, so I am slightly offended.

So my question remains...would you be offended in this situation? Or am I just overreacting?


Monday, May 25, 2009

Happy Memorial Day!

I hope everyone has a fabulous Memorial Day! Enjoy your day off, the BBQs, the beers, and anything else your day has in store for you.

As you relax and spend time with family and friends, don't forget to give a little time to reflecting on what Memorial Day represents for those who have lost their lives for the United States of America.

Personally, I will be thinking about my generation's men and women dying in Iraq and Afghanistan in an illegal war. I hope that President Obama can bring them home soon!


3 Bad Reasons to Buy a Home

I just read this article on 3 bad reasons to buy a home. These reasons are what soooooo many people use all the time. As a renter in a large and expensive city, these reasons have always bothered me.

  1. It's a good investment
  2. I'm tired of throwing my money away on rent
  3. I need the tax deduction
If you or someone you know use any of these reasons for purchasing a home, I suggest you check out this article. It made a lot of sense to me, and I thought I'd share.


Saturday, May 23, 2009

Housewife Hottie Alert!

Full Name: John Burke Krasinski
DOB: October 20, 1979
Why is he a Housewife Hottie?: He is tall, sweet (I've met him!), and sexy!

You know John Krasinski as Jim Halpert from my favorite TV show, "The Office." John has also appeared in movies like, License to Wed and Leatherheads, but he will always be Jim Halpert to me! :)

Enjoy the view ladies!


Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Michelle Obama

When President Obama was campaigning and was elected, I gave little thought on what Michelle's impact on me would be. I was confident that President Obama would help rebuild the America I was raised to love, but had no idea how in love I would fall for Michelle.

So here goes...

Top Ten Reasons Why I Love Michelle Obama

10. She is an example to women around the world that you can do it all. Having a career and family is attainable.

9. She bares her arms! I love that she is proud of her body and shows it off in the manner she wishes. She works hard to tone those arms!

8. She's uber smart. A practicing lawyer with a big career, not just a supportive wife and baby maker.

7. She is my generation's Jackie Kennedy. A young mother, fashionable, vibrant, and interesting. Not just some old hag in her pant suit.

6. I love, love, love her fashion. From the cardigans to the Jason Wu gown inaugural gown. Silly reason? Yes. But, I don't care! I'm a girl and girls love clothes!

5. I love that she is open about the issues her and President Obama have had about balancing work and family. These are issues most women can relate to, and it makes her more relatable to us.

4. She planted an organic garden on White House grounds. As a big city girl, I have to say it has been a fantasy of mine to have a garden and I'm completely jealous!

3. She has a genuine factor. I love her laugh, her smile, the way she teases President Obama, the way she looks at her girls, and everything else I see her do. At times I can agree with certain criticisms, but I can't deny that she is just being herself.

2. She wears sneakers! There was somewhat of an uproar when our First Lady showed up to an event with sneakers on. The horror!! Real women, obviously, wear heels 24/7...therefore, so should our First Lady!

And the #1 reason why I love Michelle Obama is...

She was born middle class and worked her way up in life. There is something to be said about people who aren't handed their futures, and actually earn them through sacrifice and hard work. As a middle class girl, she is a fantastic role model!


Friday, May 22, 2009

Hubby a Picky Dresser?

My hubby isn't very picky about most things. He'll eat whatever. He'll sleep wherever. When it comes to major decisions, I usually get a shrug and a "I don't care." But his clothes? Oh no. That's a whole different story. Here are only a small number of his demands:

1. No dark wash jeans. (I know. I know. )
2. Jeans also must be CARPENTER jeans. No other cut is acceptable.
3. No bright colors.
4. Absolutely no logos or graphics!

...the list goes on, but those are the basics. Obviously, hubby can usually be found in non-dark wash jeans with a neutral colored shirt. Boring! In the past I've made the mistake of dragging him from store to store and forcing him to pick out something, ANYTHING, because I dare not buy him clothing without his approval. This usually ends with me pissed off and him frustrated, especially if we are shopping for a special occasion.

So last week I was moseying around in Old Navy, and I saw that Men's tshirts were 2 for $15. I have some kind of chemical imbalance that does not allow me to walk away from sales empty handed, so I bought two. With no hubby approval. The horror!

I told him I bought him two new shirts, hung them up, and decided to wait it out. I was NOT going to nag him about wearing the shirts I just bought him. And lo and behold, guess what hubby wore yesterday? One of the shirts.

So here is my advice to the housewives with a similar problem: Just buy the shit for them!! You know he isn't gonna go buy clothes for himself, and what is he going to do, go naked? You will be pleasantly surprised, trust me.


Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Glenn Beck Gets Called Out For Lying...FINALLY!

On "The View" today, Whoopi Goldberg and Barbara Walters called out Glenn Beck on his lying ways. Even though their issues was petty and irrelevant, it's one of those things that shows a person's character. I hate to spread anything regarding this sideshow clown, but I have to admit, I got some joy out of watching his squirm as he was tag-teamed by Whoopi and Barbara.


Why I Hate Chick Flicks

Before you jump down my throat, hear me out. Not all "chick flicks" are bad....just most of them. Don't get me wrong, I love, love, love classic chick flicks like Pretty Woman, Dirty Dancing, and Thelma and Louise. But for every classic I love, there are 25 shitty ones I despise.

Unlike most women, Matthew McConaughey does absolutely nothing for me. Not only is he dirty looking, he plays the same character in each of his cookie-cutter chick flicks. Amistad was amazing, but Failure to Launch was ridiculous. Don't even get me started on Matt's chick flick cohort, Kate Hudson! Why are women attracted to this ditz? Is the ideal woman/girlfriend/wife we are trying to be? Lord knows, I'm certainly not.

The chick flick I want to see is one that empowers women. One that says, having a man is great, but you don't need one to complete you. I don't need to see a woman always in a moment of desperation because of what a man does or says. Fuck that. I don't need to watch a movie to show a woman acting crazy to get a man, all I need to do is tune in to the latest "Rock of Love" season.

Note to Hollywood: some women aren't crazy, desperate, or just plain airheaded ( least not all the time!). Please make more movies that don't fit in that box, because poor Kate Winslet can't carry the torch forever.

The Streak is O-V-E-R!

For the record the streak is over!!!! Not sure what I'm talking about? Read this.

Monday, May 18, 2009

Sorry Wifeys!

Sorry for the lack of posts on my part today! I had quite a busy day of fun and work. Since my job allows quite a bit of flexibility, I opted for Monday afternoon drinks and fun with two awesome gays. We had a fantastic lunch of cheesesteaks, beers, and lots of gossip and laughs. To say it was much-needed is an understatement.

Since I live in a U.S. metropolis (not Philly BTW!), I was able to jump on the subway and head to get some work done without endangering any lives while driving in my beer haze . My tasks were accomplished quickly and it was great that I went when I did.

All in all...a fabulous, but busy, Monday. Hopefully the rest of the week will be just as awesome!


Housewife Fantasy Man for 5/18/09: Jake Gyllenhaal!

Full Name: Jacob Benjamin Gyllenhaal
DOB: December 19, 1980 (28 years old)
Why is he HFM?: Jesus, look at him! That's why!

You probably know Jake primarily from Brokeback Mountain, the movie that helped straight women comprehend why guys thought lesbians were hot. But he has also starred in a lot of indie gems, such as Donnie Darko, October Sky, and the movie that made M fall in love with him, The Good Girl. If you haven't seen The Good Girl, get off your ass and head to Blockbuster right now!

And we can't have Jake as our first ever HFM without a shout-out to another great Jake role...Jimmy Livingston in Bubble Boy!

You're welcome Jake .

Move over, People Magazine...

Because there is a new hot piece title in town! Every Monday from here on out, N and myself will be picking a very lucky man to grace your computer screen with the incredibly prestigous title of...wait for it....HOUSEWIFE FANTASY MAN.

Unfortunately, N and myself do not have the funds to publish a national magazine. Therefore, the men we pick will receive a congratulatory prize of maps to our houses, in case they ever want to, uh, drop in and thank us personally. And you know, the glory.

Who will it be this week?? Sit tight and check back!

The Importance of Setting Goals

Setting goals for myself is a big part of who I am. Really! A couple of years ago, my mother found a list of goals I made for myself when I was 10, and surprisingly enough, I have already met several of them. There were big ones like, be the first female president, write a book, etc. Sorry, 10-year-old self, I haven't made it there yet. But there were others too. When my mom read me the list, I had recently met a critical one: to graduate college. It was ironic and poignant that she would find that scrap of paper just as I was accomplishing something big. It really made me reflect on how far I had come in my life. Thus, as the title of this post says, it was important for my adult self that my kid self wrote out those grandiose goals way back when.

Even though I still have huge life goals, the ones I make everyday simply help me get through the day. For example, one goal I found myself making today involved this inner dialogue: "I will put away the laundry when The Real Housewives of New York Reunion Special goes to commercial." Not quite as grand as my 10-year-old self imagined, but a critical and important goal nonetheless for the adult me.


Sunday, May 17, 2009

Speaking of Kraft Recipes...

Just last night I was directing you to the Kraft Foods website...and all the while the newest edition of the magazine was awaiting me in the mail! I am now plotting some new recipes to try! Subscribe if you haven't already. It used to be free, but with all this recession bullshit they are charging $5.99 a year. Still totally worth there are coupons.

Have an awesome Sunday! I'm off to put my laundry in the dryer...


Mustache Woes Update

I know you have all been losing sleep wondering whatever happend on my waxing adventure. Read on...

I have this thing with following the directions that come with at home beauty treatments. I'll read them, happen upon something that makes no sense to me, then do it my own way. Smart, I know. In the past this has led to me to many a breakout and once, striped hair. But I digress...

According to Veet (why they rhymed the name of something I am going to put on my face with "feet" I will never know) I am supposed to vigorously rub the wax strip in my hand until it gets warm. So I rubbed away for a good minute and it felt the exact same to me. I said screw it and went ahead anyway (see what I mean?)

The other problem I had was getting the wax on my upper lip hair but not on my actual lip. I don't even want to contemplate that kind of pain. So in other words, I couldn't get it warm and I couldn't get it on my face the right way. Lovely.

When all was said and done, there were quite a few stray hairs that I had to pluck which actually hurt more than the waxing itself. And yes, it hurts. Don't let stupid bitches lie to you about that! I am going to keep waxing because a) it looks better b) it didn't make my moody skin break out and c) it's still relatively cheap.

And I give Veet Wax Strips 3 out of 5 stars. Low score for a stupid name.


Wife "Loses It" In Court

I love nothing better than to watch a trashtastic lady going off!! It must remind me of home... :)


Meet Princess Orange

Princess Orange is a real life person living in a year-around fantasyland of her creation. Princess Orange is a person I cannot escape, as she is family by marriage. I've known Princess Orange for almost a decade, and have watched her evolve into her current state.

Quick Facts on Princess Orange:

~Maintains her orange glow all year long
~Bought a Cadillac while unemployed and living at home
~Is obsessed with Tiffany jewelry
~Routinely wears all clothing 1 to 2 sizes too small
~Bought a condo and ALL new expensive furnishings and electronics, while planning a huge wedding she's not paying for
~Appears to be fake both inside and out
~Master manipulator of those who hold the purse strings

It seems that Princess Orange has a lot of people fooled. Most people don't care to go much deeper than the surface, which is just fine for her, as there isn't much beyond her surface. She is all about appearances...the best car, the best jewelry, the best tan (I can't even type that with a straight face), the best house, the best furnishings, the best EVERYTHING. Her quest for a material oasis has shown to take up most of her energy, because she has none left to work on herself as a person.

Princess Orange has been infected with the me, me, me virus that many young women in America have inevitably suffered. If it doesn't do something for her, Princess Orange simply ain't doing it. Her selfishness is almost at the sociopathic level. Don't believe me? Read on...

A couple of years ago, Princess Orange decided that her current boyfriend just wasn't cutting it. He was about to go on another tour in Iraq and his combat pay was running out from all those trips to Tiffany's. All of Princess Orange's family and friends were marrying off before her eyes, so she decided that's what she wanted. Buh-bye slut, party-girl persona, hello wife persona.

Right after Princess Orange convinced Army Boy to marry her, she dumped him. Oh wait...she dumped him right after she rekindled her romance with an ex-boyfriend (we'll call him X). This is the same ex-boyfriend she cheated on with Army Boy when they started their relationship the previous year. Needless to say, it is unknown if X really has any idea about the details of how their relationship ended the first time or how it began now.

After about a year, Princess Orange put the pressure on X to propose. After a big fight over her obsession with it, he finally proposes in a extremely cheesy Christmas scenario, with a gaudy cocktail ring no less. At this time, she is dividing her time between officially still living at home, and realistically living with X, but not paying for shit. This goes on for some time, until Princess Orange decides apartment living is for losers, and she must have a brand new condo of her own. But wait! The condo won't be enough...she needs a complete furnishing of the ENTIRE condo. Nothing old can be reused! On top of this, we can't forget that Princess Orange must also have a huge gala wedding in the fall.

So what's a selfish bitch to do when your life is hanging by a credit card string? Call Mummy, of course! One problemo (ok, maybe several)...Mummy is about to retire. Mummy also forked over a lot of moolah in an ugly divorce a couple of years ago. Mummy is also trying to sell her house in this fucked up economy, and not to mention, is finally happy and getting serious with a luvah of her own. Does this phase Princess Orange? FUCK NO! In the Princess Orange master manipulation game, Mummy decides to push back her retirement, and most likely her relationship, in order to cater to Princess Orange's fantasyland life.

The wedding will be in the fall, but as a close family member, I really know nothing about it. I'm not sure if this is because of my bitchy comments of honesty that have been made throughout the years, or simply because I'm living far away from Princess Orange's fantasyland world and her dull mind can only see what's in front of her. But rest assured...the Princess Orange and X wedding will be covered at length in the fall!!


Characters in Real Life

From time to time we will be posting our thoughts and feelings on people we know in real life. Since this is our always-honest take on how we view the actions and behaviors of those in our life, we will hide the identities of those discussed with witty little nicknames.

Our post on Lady Lazy is a perfect example in our real life series. If you enjoyed Lady Lazy, you will love the new stuff we have coming!

Stay tuned!

- N & M

Easy Recipes at

One weapon in the semi housewife's bag-o-tricks is being able to whip up a delicious meal faster than you can say, "Feeeeeed meeeeeeee, Seeeeeeymour!" (yes, I did just reference Little Shop of Horrors).

Since I don't always have a bazillion hours to slave in the freaking kitchen to cook a delicious and nutritious meal from scratch, I have fallen head of heels in love for the Kraft Foods website. Not only are the recipes yummy, they are simple and mostly contain items you have on hand in your kitchen everyday.

I utilize this website even when I'm bringing a dish to pass. One super easy dessert recipe I use constantly (it has always been a hit) is for Grasshopper Pie (as seen above).

If your in a pinch for a simple, yet delightful dish to show off to all of your bitchy friends, try the Grasshopper Pie. I guaran-freaking-tee it will be a hit and make you the queen of the universe for your gathering! :)

Grasshopper Pie

What You Need:

1-1/2 cups cold milk
1 pkg. (4-serving size) JELL-O Pistachio Flavor Instant Pudding
2 cups thawed COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, divided
1 OREO Pie Crust (6 oz.)
1 square BAKER'S Semi-Sweet Chocolate

What You Do:

milk into large bowl. Add dry pudding mix. Beat with wire whisk 2 min. or until well blended. Gently stir in 1-1/2 cups of the whipped topping and the chopped cookies. Spoon into crust. Spread with remaining 1/2 cup whipped topping.

GRATE chocolate over pie.

REFRIGERATE 2 hours or freeze until firm. If frozen, remove pie from freezer about 10 min. before serving; let stand at room temperature to soften slightly. Store leftovers in refrigerator or freezer.

Healthy Living

Save 50 calories per serving by preparing with fat free milk, JELL-O Pistachio Flavor Fat Free Sugar Free Instant Pudding and COOL WHIP LITE Whipped Topping.
Special Extra
For stronger mint flavor, add 1/4 tsp. peppermint extract along with the milk. <-- I always do this



Saturday, May 16, 2009

Come Sail Away!

Listening to one of my favorite Styx songs, "Come Sail Away" is inspiring me to a take a trip in fantasyland! Maybe a cruise somewhere on the open waters?? I hate the idea of cruises, but in my fantasyland today, the cruise will be Speedo and cookie-cutter activity free!

Dream with me!

Bermuda could be nice...

Oh! But Venice is more up my alley!!

I would have to have a fruity drink or two or three...

A beach sunset would be divine!

Well...back to reality. Ho-hum! Fantasyland was fun while it lasted!!


Friday, May 15, 2009

Wearing My Husband's Clothes

When it comes to clothing to wear around the house, my husband's clothes absolutely cannot be beat. Take my very outfit at this moment: an old XXL blue shirt (that isn't even ours!! Mr. N borrowed from our brother-in-law for a basketball game) and a pair of gray mesh shorts.

I usually stick to my own bottoms, but I've recently discovered that men's shorts have better coverage. Coverage? You wonder... Let me explain: I am not a fan of underwear. Yes, I wear it when I'm out and about...but when it comes to the privacy of my own home...BUH-BYE PANTIES! So when I say that men's mesh shorts cover better than those Victoria's secret hooker shorts, you see why that's a plus for me.

Sometimes I wonder what single gals wear around the they simply wear all of their own clothes? I wonder if I could donate some of Mr. N's old comfy clothes that I don't need anymore. Maybe I should start a single girl's needy collection. But, I regret, it won't work. The reason why I love this outfit so much, is because it belongs to my love.


Mustache Woes

Yes, I have a mustache. No, I do not call it "upper lip hair" because that is just stupid. It's a mustache. Usually, I just bleach it because it is easy, cheap, and pain free. But the past few months or so, the little blond hairs are getting on my nerves! So today marks a historic day in the life if M...I'm waxing this bitch!

Wax terrifies me. My mother never did it, and I'm just a shaving kind of girl. But we all know we can't shave our face like the boys do, so wish me luck! Updates will follow...


Meet Lady Lazy

Lady Lazy is based on a real girl living in America today. Although the details of her essence may seem like utter bullshit, the facts are based on pure reality.

Quick Facts on Lady Lazy:

~Mother of a toddler
~Recently split from her ATM...I mean husband
~No job
~Lives with parents
~A bankruptcy and a foreclosure...all before her late 20s.
~Proud Republican
~Credit card debt totaling tens of thousands of dollars

Ahh yes. Lady Lazy is yet another friend of N and M...well, used to be friend. Her ridiculousness got to the point where we simply could not support her any longer. It's strange how these psuedo-friendships develop over time. Until one day when you wake up and realize this "friend" of yours represents everything you hate. Take a look at that list up there again. In the crisis our country is in today, Lady Lazy took it upon herself to rack up so many credit cards that someone with three times her income wouldn't be able to stay afloat. And then...POOF!...the bankruptcy fairy came and erased it all. Easy Peasy!

Lady Lazy had to have the best of everything. IE: the most expensive brand names that she not only didn't need, but could not afford. It's fair to say that Americans with these spending habits are responsible for the recession, in my opinion.

So ladies, remember: If you can't afford it, you probably don't need it. If you have to charge it, you definitely don't need it. And if you have to fill your house you can't afford with material things that you can't afford to feel better about yourself, get some help! Or you may end up divorced, broke, and bitter.


Credit Cards are Evil!

I know it may seem like credit cards can be a semi housewife's best friend...but in my experienced and humble opinion, they can make a housewife single faster than you can say, "Charge that Louis Vuitton!"

My parents were never fans of credit cards, so I was never raised with the phrase "charge it" in my vocabulary. However, as I got older, I noticed that more and more girls, single or not, were charging everyday expenses.

For example, I have a friend who is living so beyond her means I watched her charge a Burt's Bees chapstick in a drugstore once. WTF? This wasn't because she didn't have the $3 cash on her like you may think, it was because she had to conserve her cash for other purposes and could not afford to spend it on her lips.

The bottom line is, if you can't realistically pay your credit cards off within 6 months, you should probably get your ass away from Old Navy, TGI Fridays, or any other idiotic place you are going to waste money you don't have.

We can't talk about credit cards without addressing a character who will be appearing on this blog from time to time, called Lady Lazy...


Thursday, May 14, 2009

The Office Season Finale Tonight!

Season 5 of "The Office" starts soon! I can't wait! By far my favorite show on television. I wonder what cliffhangers we will be left with. I will update with my thoughts during commercials and after the show.


I love that Pam is good at volleyball! I also love when they leave the office for always means something crazzzzy is going to happen.


Who wants to play Dunder-Mifflinaire??


Pam's prego!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


True Blood...Yum!

"True Blood" is a new-ish show on HBO (it came out Sept. 2008), and I've gotten hooked. After that Twilight bullshit debacle, I swore off all this vampire frenzy stuff. I didn't read the Twilight
books, so I never got obsessed like some people *cough* M *cough*, therefore thought the movie was utter shit.

Since Mr. N has been sick, I've had plenty of time at home to work. Yesterday, I was bored working at home, so I searched my HBO On Demand section and found the entire first season was available. I started them up...and 6 episodes later I was hooked. I usually love most of the HBO shows, so it's no surprise I like "True Blood."

One of my favorite characters is Lafayette...a black, gay Southern man who doesn't take shit and cracks me up! Check out this awesome scene:

It seems like I fell for it just in time...because the second season starts soon! Sookie, Sookie now... :)


And Speaking of Slim...

I had to add my two cents on Slim. I don't think all single girls are necessarily stupid, but I think they sometimes do very stupid things. Slim is sweet, pretty, funny, and financially independent. For a while she was living the dream single girl life, having fun and not having to answer to anyone. But all of a sudden she apparently wants...dun dun dun...a relationship. With a guy who always tells her that is the last thing he wants. And apparently she is still Facebook-stalking her obviously homosexual ex.

The frustration from this has led me and N to compile a little list for you single girls from some helpful married women:

1. Having sex with someone does not make them your boyfriend. In fact, if they know they can have sex with you without that label, good luck!

2. Don't ask your non-single friends for advice when you don't want to hear it. Yes, we are going to tell you that moving in a with a guy that you have been dating for 6 months whom is currently jobless is probably a bad idea.

3. Don't forget that we need you too! Just because we are in good relationships doesn't mean that we don't like to go out and get drunk too! And if your boyfriend breaks your heart, you'll need your friends to pour vodka down your throat and tell you what a douchebag he is. So don't forget us!

And remember, not all single girls are stupid! I'm sure there are some that want to bang their head against the wall as often as I do.


Mommy Be Back

I'm so pissed at what has become the "Jon & Kate Plus 8" scandal! I actually used to watch this did M, so don't let her lie to you. I thought that even though they were absolutely insane at times, they were a solid family. all "reality" shows relationships do, this one is on a Pennsylvania trash heap.

It looks like fame-whoring got in the way of the marriage, and now eight kids will be the ones who are fucked up because of it. Why do people get caught up in fame and money so easily? This bitch really wasn't that famous until her husband got drunk with a teacher. But, as an embarrassed fan of this show, I saw the signs at the end of last season. Kate was always off "on business"...IE: fame-whoring herself out. Can't we just be happy with what we have?? Even if it isn't much??

So...Kate is going to have to heed some advice from my man Chris Rock: "You have to teach your kids more words other than, 'mommy be back.'"

By the way...tell this bitch her hair isn't cute. Seriously...reverse mullets are not the new "thang."


Meet Slim

Why is a friend of N and M (we'll call her Slim from here on) heartbroken because her gay ex-boyfriend got engaged to a girl she hates?? I mean, come are convinced he is homosexual and you hate the shouldn't we be celebrating?

Sometimes single girls are so desperately pathetic it makes me want to vomit...


Pussy Fights

About four months ago, we got a "New Girl" at work. You know how it is when the new person starts at work! So much to learn! What are they really like? However, she continues to be referred to as New Girl because she is still the center of everyone's attention and countless rounds of gossip. Four months later. In case you haven't guessed, I work with mostly women.
Here's the lowdown so far: No one likes New Girl because she is so young, and therefore a complete moron. Never mind that some of them were raising families at her age. And also, New Girl likes to party. SHOCK! GASP! HORROR! The little hussy! And now, New Girl and so and so are getting prety friendly. What are they really up to?

Yes, that is what these women are consumed with. Its upsetting to me as a young woman that the fairer sex still, regardless of age, run in tight and unwelcoming cliques. And will always be nasty to the young and pretty girl.

We as women have made some far strides this year...Michelle or Hilary anyone? But until we stop this odd hatred and judging of each other...will me make it much farther? Lets try to start being honest with each other, shall we?

"Hey, you ate the leftovers in the fridge with MY name on it! What the hell!!" is a healthier way to talk to each other than saying its no big deal and calling you a selfish bitch under my breath when you walk away, right? Or asking your married friend if sex really does stop after you get married, instead of wondering but never daring to bring it up. I hate to say it, but men really beat us in the Communicating With Our Own Kind Department. Don't worry, we will always have Cooking and General Compassion. Women need each other to lean on and talk openly with, now more than ever.

I hope that this blog will be able to help women in that sense. We can come here with our thoughts and not be judged or gossiped about. Tough questions such as...when the hell is N gonna get laid??? Will someone send her a dildo or something? Damn!


Sick Husband

Mr. N is sick and has been for the past two weeks. He most likely requires a routine surgical operation to alleviate his discomfort. What sucks is that this operation may not happen for a week or longer...which brings me to my selfish concern: When is the next time I will get laid?

Selfish, yes. But you can't tell me other wives haven't gone through a similar selfish line of thinking when their husband required a procedure. It's been 16 days and I'm finding that I am already irritable. Can I last 16 more?? Woe is me...and my vagina.

- N

Welcome to The Semi Housewife!

Welcome to The Semi Housewife's blog! You are entering the realm of two semi housewife women...let's call them N and M...who's lives revolve around their men. You will find however, that N and M are not the typical Stepford wives at all...

- N & M